When I Couldn’t Care for Myself Anymore
Posted by Belle on 30 May 2009 at 10:16 am | Tagged as: Uncategorized
While browsing on friendster, I came across this quotation: “Be nice to your kid, they will choose your nursing home. Indeed, there is a lot of truth in that statement. I turned to my husband at the far corner of the house and read the line out loud to him. My husband was so engrossed in what he was doing, he didn’t say a word.
A while back, my friend, Bob, and I were talking about the same topic – elderly. He said there is nothing we can do when we reach that certain age when we cannot care for ourselves anymore. And that we are most likely to end up in a home care facility. Of course, knowing how it is like in the nursing home because I go there everyday, the idea terrifies me.
What if I don’t want to go?, I asked Bob.
You are not in the right frame of mind then. Your daughters would say, “come on mama, we’ll go for a little trip, now,” and before you know it, you are inside the facility, helpless.” Bob retorted.
Oh my gosh, what a scary thought. I hope I don’t have to go there. And then, suddenly, several hours thereafter, my husband broke in silence and yelled, “whatever happens, I am not going to the nursing home.”
I laughed and said in a joking way, “if you are consistently nice to us, we might spare you a trip to the nursing home.” Might spare?? he asked. I am just kidding, I said.
Terrified at the thought, my husband becomes even more determined not to go to any nursing home facilities. And so am I. He would rather stay in the Philippines and hire a caretaker who will look after him, and a driver to take him to places, all for a reasonable cost. Just like my mother, even when she became physically disabled, she didn’t have to be forced to leave the house she loved so much to live in a strange house. Instead, she had the financial independence (through my help, of course) to hire a caretaker to take care of her during the day. Caretaker left at night when everything was done and in order. Eventually, my sister-in-law took over the job and made sure that my mother’s last days on earth were fun and around people she loved and cared.
I guess it’s never too early to plan for that time in the future. I read that they’re trying to promote Philippines as a good place to settle in after retirement. It’s a very popular destination among Japanese. Children also think about their parents. I know I do about my mother. I’d want my child to grow up with her nearby.
I hear this all the time with the old folks at my work. They say their children will likely “abandoned” them when they reached the certain age (old age). For a minute, I said to myself, ‘at least they got kids to at least look after them whereas me, single, older then who will take care of me, definitely NOT Kathleen, right’?
It’s a scary thought. I don’t know what to say, maybe “will tell you when we get there”? For now, just enjoy with your family and ‘be extra nice to them or else’, haha!
That is always a option for expats — retire in the Philippines which is now being developed as a retirees’ haven.
I’d be less than truthful if I said this hasn’t crossed my mind. I have no doubt my children or most of them would be willing to take me in, for better or worse But I doubt whether I would like that. I’d imagine I would insist on independence for as long as I could and for as long as I can still take walks, read, micro-wave food, and go online.
But going to a nursing home need not be a horror story. There is something nice about being with people your age and having structure to the twilight days. In fact, I am giving it half a thought, except … are there good homes here in our country?
Anna’s right. Retirement homes need not be a nightmare. Siguro better to do it when you still have your wits about you, rather than being forced to it.
But retiring in Pinas, when you’ve got the moolah to support yourself, is the best option.